


we're not who we used to be

by laurabeth



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Galaxy Garrison, Gay Shiro (Voltron), Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Siblings, M/M, Reunions, broganes, not having homophobia in a universe is unrealistic and homophobic, shiro has been through so much he deserves to be happy, shiro has no family on earth (except for adam), so there is referenced homophobia, this is kind of crack? idk they are all laughing and having a jolly good time, vine references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 03:59:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15525585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurabeth/pseuds/laurabeth
Summary: Shiro was desperate to get back to Earth, to make things right with Adam. To fix all that had been broken.





	we're not who we used to be

**Author's Note:**

> So. Last night, the VLD fandom became this pile of rage after a lot of misinformation was spread around, claiming that Shiro and Adam's flashbacks were the only LGBT rep in Voltron, and that they may not be getting back together. Like many people, I was pissed. I wrote this entire thing out of spite, and even though that misinformation has been disproven, I am still here to give you, and myself, Adam and Shiro's happy ending. 
> 
> After Season 7 Edit: HAHA FUCK VLD I FUCKING HATE THE WRITERS !! ADAM FUCKING LIVES AND THEY FIX THINGS !! YOU CANT TAKE THAT FROM ME ! 
> 
> Tittle from the song "Two Ghosts" by Harry Styles, lesbian icon.

They had meet at the Garrison when they were 13.

Shiro and Adam had begun in the Garrison fighter class, they had learned and grew up together. Eventually, they became co-pilots and roommates, and Shiro fell for Adam in more ways than anyone could believe. 

He never really knew when he started to fall for Adam. It seemed like it had been a gradual fade. One day, he woke up and realized it as Adam snored across the room. It was almost as if he had been in love with Adam this whole time, as if he was just always a part of Shiro’s life. Shiro didn’t believe in the concept of love at first sight, but that was the only explanation for what his relationship with Adam. A younger Shiro had been told to stand next to a young Adam on the first day, and the rest was practically history. 

*

Shiro grunted as he woke, panting as he was forcefully woken up from his dream. It was another nightmare, one where his clone succeeded in killing his brother. He couldn’t get the image of his brother screaming beneath him out of his head. He couldn’t stop thinking of the words Keith had screamed to him, a last ditch effort to wake up his consciousness. He couldn’t help wondering what would have happened if his clone had succeeded. It was a reoccuring nightmare, and for good reason. It was the worst fear he lived with.

The most horrible part of being dead was the fact that he couldn’t talk to anyone. He saw how his team was struggling, he had to watch as they were deceived by his clone and there was nothing that he could do about it. He had his clone’s memories, constantly reminding him of how he had abandoned his team, despite his best efforts. He could never forgive himself for attacking his brother, regardless of the fact that it was truly his clone. 

Shiro knew that Keith didn’t hold anything against him, that he knew that it wasn’t actually Shiro that had hurt him. Shiro wished he could feel the same, wished that he could sleep through the night without images of his little brother cowering beneath him haunting him. 

Shrio sighed, running his hand down his face. He could tell that they were still flying, trying to get back to Earth eventually. Sometimes it all seemed so long, like they might never reached Earth, pointlessly flying through space in search of their home.

He opened the door to the black lion’s sleeping quarters, finding himself in desperate need of a shower. He felt gross, something that a shower should help with. He quickly ducked into the bathroom and took one of the quickest showers of his life before brushing his teeth. He should probably find some food too, it had been nearly a day since he last ate. 

That was a side effect of dying, too. The rest of life feels dull and well, lifeless, in comparison to how it felt before. Every action felt like it took too much energy, like it wasn’t worth the effort. And Shiro knew that that was unhealthy, that he was probably depressed in some way and his brain was trying to process the mounds of trauma that he had been through. But they were in space, and there weren’t any space therapists, at least not on the way back to Earth. 

Earth. It had been years since he had truly been on Earth. He missed it more everyday, despite the fact that he felt like he couldn’t miss it anymore than he already did. But everyday, he proved himself wrong. 

Shiro shuffled to one of the storage compartments in Black, grabbing a pouch of food goo before deciding to go to the cockpit. He should probably talk to his brother at some point today, otherwise Keith will worry, which was never a good thing. As he climbed to the cockpit, Shrio tried to reflect on what it really meant for him to be going back to Earth. To be going home. 

It seemed like such a foreign concept. He had dreamed of Earth, of his home, so many times in the Galra prisons. It had been one of the only things that kept him going. That made him want to survive. He thought of warm hugs, the smell of cinnamon and the taste of minty toothpaste and chapstick too many times to count. He clung to the memories of his home, something that he hadn’t experienced in years. It seemed so far away, as if he had lived a completely different life and was just remembering some far away story that somebody had once told him about. He felt like he was a different person. After endless trauma, how could he recognize himself? Like he wouldn’t fit back into his old home. The thought of going home was equally terrifying, unfamiliar, and comforting. Shiro didn’t know how to dissect those feelings, much less talk about them to another person. So he didn’t.

Shiro knocked on the helm door and waited for Keith’s, “Come in!” before opening it. 

“Hey,” Shiro said, munching on his food goo pack. He gave a wave to Lance’s comm video. He would have to ask his brother if anything was going on between Lance and him. They were almost constantly talking. It was kind of sweet. “How are you doing?” 

“I’m a little tired, but other than that, I’m fine,” Keith responded. “Although, I am a little hungry. Do you mind if I have a few bites of your food?” 

“Sure,” Shiro started to spoon fed his brother. It was both necessary and hilarious. Keith couldn’t take both hands off the lion’s controls in order to eat, and as his older brother, Shiro had to ensure that he made his brother do stupid things, especially in front of his friends. He was merely fulfilling his duty. As Shiro fed Keith, he started to feel a little guilty. If Keith knew that he hadn’t eaten much he would be refusing to eat his food, he would probably insist on spoon feeding Shiro. But he just hid his thoughts with a smile, laughing as Lance playfully teased Keith through the comm link. Keith gave him a brief middle finger in response. 

“Hey!” Shiro playfully admonished. “That’s rude.” 

“You have given the most middle fingers out of the two of us,” Keith said, his mouth full. 

Shiro scrunched his nose in disgust. “Don’t talk with your mouth full. And you know how much Adam hated you swearing.” 

Keith shrugged, swallowing before talking again. “Adam’s not here.” 

“He is in spirit!” 

“No, I think that’s just Black,” Keith joked, smiling shyly when Lance laughed. 

Shiro pretended to sigh and shake his head. “You have no respect for your elders.” 

“Maybe so.” Keith opened his mouth for another bite of food. Shiro put a extra large heaping onto spoon, hoping that Keith had trouble chewing it. 

“Sorry for butting in on this brotherly bonding moment,” Lance interjected. “But who’s Adam?”

Keith raised a finger, signaling for Lance to give him a second as he struggled to chew. Shiro just raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Finally, Keith swallowed. “Adam was Shiro’s best friend and boyfriend, he kind of helped raise me.” 

“Adam was the true hero in raising Keith, a moment of silence for his sacrifice,” Shiro said solemnly, closing his eyes for dramatic effect. 

Lance tried to stifle his laughter as Keith and Shiro were actually quiet for a minute. 

“Are you excited to see him again?” Lance asked. 

“I am!” Keith beamed. “He’s going to be so proud of me for growing.” 

Shiro softly snorted. “That man was proud of anything non-destructive that you managed to do.” 

“Wait, you’re not talking about Professor Shamon?” Lance interjected. “Wasn’t his first name Adam?” 

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Keith confirmed, taking Shiro’s last bite of food goo. 

“No way!” Lance exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell us? I can’t believe everyone at the Garrison didn’t know.” 

“Homophobia,” Keith answered, at the same time that Shiro said, “Bigotry.” 

“Lady Gaga would not stand for that,” Lance shook his head sadly. 

“Babe, you’re like so right,” Keith said in a high-pitched feminine voice, which Lance apparently found hilarious, before switching back to his normal voice. “They broke up before Shiro went to Kerberos but I know that Adam will still want to see me. I was the highlight of his life.” 

“That was me, you dick,” Shiro hissed, swating at the back of Keith’s head. “Shut up.” 

“Why’d you guys break up?” Lance pried. “If you don’t mind me asking, of course!” 

“He didn’t want me to go to Kerberos, but I wanted to,” Shiro told Lance. “I was chronically ill, I was probably going to die in a few years. Kerberos was my dream, but it would have probably killed me. He didn’t want me to throw away the rest of my life so carelessly.” 

“But going to space actually saved him, since the whole clone and dying situation,” Keith chimed in. “So now Shiro gets to go back to Earth and tell Adam to suck it.” 

Shiro sighed, shaking his head as he pinched his brow. “No, Keith. Adam had a valid reason for not wanting me to leave. He was right, Kerberos did destroy my body faster. I’m just thankful to still be alive.” That part was true, at least. He was thankful to still be alive, to have a second chance. He was grateful that he was going to go home, he was going to see Adam. Maybe he could right his wrongs. 

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you again,” Lance mused. “It sounds like he was just worried about your safety. He’ll be overjoyed to see you again.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Shiro said, staring off into the vastness of empty space as the lions traveled closer to Earth. 

*

Falling in love with Adam had been a gradual realization. Maybe Shiro had truly started to fall in love with him on the morning they got coffee together, when Adam had fallen into the snow. Instead of complaining and letting it ruin his day, Adam had simply laughed it off. He had taken Shiro’s hand, pulling himself up. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to share your coffee, since mine is currently decorating that snowbank,” He had said, grasping Shiro’s offered drink to take a sip. Shiro had probably blushed, realizing there was something closely intimate about sharing a warm drink on such a frozen day. 

Or maybe he had started to fall in love with Adam when they started to dorm together, when Adam started to make him poptarts in the toaster right after he made his own. Maybe it was when Adam started to kiss other people in party games and Shiro started to feel more jealousy than he ever had, completely confused as to why he was.

Maybe he fell in love with him every time he heard Adam say “Takashi,” whether it be a whisper, a shout, a broken sigh, or a giggle. Every time he heard his name, his first name, come from Adam’s lips he knew he fell deeper in love with him. 

Adam had always been the most important to him, and he had thrown that all away, simply because he believed his problems couldn’t follow him to Pluto’s moon. 

How wrong and naive he had been. 

*

Flying back to Earth drags on. Shiro feels as if he is trapped in a reoccuring nightmare. He wakes up and he is still stuck in the emptiness of space, black surrounding him on every side. It was the most restless he had ever felt. The feeling of being trapped was creeping up through his spine, making itself present and unwavering. But it would still be at least another day until their next rest stop, and at least another week until they were actually near Earth. Shiro hoped he could make it without losing it. 

He made his way back to the helm, figuring that he could bother Keith to kill some time. Shiro was glad that him and Keith were able to spend more time together, as disgustingly sappy as it sounded, he had missed his little brother. And he knew that Keith felt the same, despite denying the fact every chance he got. 

“I have returned,” He announced as he walked into the cockpit, deciding to sit on the ground and lean against the dashboard. The actual cockpit didn’t have any chairs other than the pilot’s chair, which was annoying. But they made do.

“Great,” muttered Keith sarcastically. Shiro knew that he didn’t actually mean it, though. Their relationship was one built on teasing, especially as Keith got older and more snarky. But Keith always insisted on never being sarcastic or snarky towards Adam, which was hilarious for Adam. Keith had managed to get Adam wrapped around his finger, but Shiro couldn’t really find it in him to complain. 

“Shut up,” Shiro said back, no real bite to his words. 

“What do you want?” Keith asked, sparing a glance to Shiro. It was funny how responsible he tried to seem when Shiro was traveling with him. Shiro knew that Keith was an irresponsible driver (flyer?), especially when he could afford to be. 

“Is it suspicious to just want to spend time with my baby brother?” Shiro drawled, closing his eyes. He really should try to sleep more. He was so tired, even right after waking up. He had only been getting a few hours of sleep a night. Hopefully that would improve as they got closer to Earth. He must be naive to think his nightmares would just fade away, but he couldn’t help but hope. 

“Yes,” Keith deadpanned. “You either want something or you’re bored.” 

“What if it’s both?” Shiro asked. 

“Then I’m out of luck.”

“Oh, come on,” Lance chimed from above Shiro’s head. Huh. He must not have realized that Keith was talking to him. Interesting. “He just wants to hang out with you! What can be so bad about that?” 

“Yeah, Keith, why are you hating on me?” Shiro repeated, conviction present in his tone. 

Lance laughed at Shiro’s antics before sobering. “Man, I miss my older siblings. I would’ve given anything if they could have come into space with me.”

“I’ll be your honorary older brother, Lance,” Shiro said, standing up so that he could see Lance. He stood behind Keith’s chair, crossing his arms and resting them on the back of the chair. 

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Lance said, confusing Shiro. “I see you more as a Space Daddy.” 

“Oh my god!” Keith screeched as Lance dissolved into laughter. “You can’t say that! He’s gay, he knows what that means!” That only made Lance laugh harder. 

Shiro just decided to ignore it to the best of his ability, coughing into his fist. “Why are you up to date with your gay slang, Lance?” He teased, hoping to change the subject as fast as he could without being obvious.

“Keith,” He replied, making Keith sputter. 

“I am not the reason!” 

“Are, too!” Shiro started to laugh as his brother turned more and more red, Shiro unsure of the exact reason. 

“I wonder how many memes we missed out on,” Lance sighed forlornly. 

“Adam!” Keith gasped, referencing Shiro’s favorite vine. Shiro snorted, mimicking the vine himself. 

“Oh my god, I didn’t realize the true power that Shiro possessed!” Lance gasped, interrupting Keith and Shiro’s running imitation. “Please tell me you referenced that vine at every given moment.” 

“I think we one time drove Adam crazy,” Keith confirmed. 

“When he proposed I gasped just like that vine,” Shiro recounted, chuckling at the memory. “I think he nearly took back the proposal at that exact moment.” 

Lance pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “This is exactly what I needed to hear to restore my faith in humanity.” 

“That’s what it took?” Keith asked disbelievingly. 

Lance shrugged. 

*

Shiro’s nightmares slowly started to shift from nightmares back to normal dreams, then the nights of no sleep. Those nights were the most distributing. Shiro always remembered his dreams, he had for as long as he could remember. Waking up in the morning and not remembering anything had been startling. It felt like he was missing something that he knew was there, like a forgotten word on the tip of his tongue, unable to be said. 

But then his dreams came back, this time in vibrant color. Him kissing whip cream off Adam’s upper lip, the first time they kissed, their hands nervously flitting at their sides, unsure of where to land. He dreamed of Adam dropping onto one knee in the assembly room, years after they first met there. Shiro saw the first time he introduced Adam to Keith, feeling the same anxiety creeping up in his throat as he analyzed every single one of their interactions. Adam kissing his cheek after another bad diagnosis, his hand gripped tightly in Adam’s, a reminder that he wasn’t going anywhere. Adam holding Shiro close when they were fifteen, hugging him as he sobbed with the news of his dog’s passing. Adam kissing him, Adam laughing at his jokes, Adam snoring softly in his sleep, Adam, Adam, Adam. An onslaught of Adam, his smile and his laugh and every single thing that Shiro loved about him, every single thing that he missed desperately. 

Adam, reoccuring and never-changing. 

*

Shiro was restless, even more than before. In a matter of hours, they would be landing back on Earth. He would see Adam again, something that still didn’t sound real. 

Would he look the same? Would he smell the same, like cinnamon mixed with a hint of Shiro’s shampoo? Would he even be there? Shiro wasn’t sure if he could deal with him not being there. 

He could tell the rest of the group was anxious too, especially Lance. Everyone was present on the Lion’s comms. Pidge would occasionally jump up in her seat, as if her body was all of a sudden jolted with the knowledge that she was going to see her mom soon. Lance was rambling, as well as talking much too fast. Even Shiro, used to Adam’s nervous talking habit, was struggling to keep up with what he was saying. Shiro could tell that Allura, Coran, and Romelle were anxious, too, but in a different way then the rest of the team. They were more excited than the rest of them, asking the rest of the team questions about Earth customs and what to expect. Hunk was readily answering every question they asked, also rambling about his moms, Krolia smiling at Hunk’s rambling. She had taken quite the liking to Hunk and had ended up traveling with him for most of the way, leaving Keith and Shiro alone in the Black lion. 

Shiro himself spoke very little. It felt as if everything was happening far too quickly, yet not quickly enough. He just wanted it all to hurry up, to be able to hug Adam. 

Shiro just wanted the chance to be able to set things right again. 

*

“Takashi, please don’t go,” Adam begged him, sitting on their bed as he watched Shiro pace around their room. “I know you’re leaving tomorrow, but you can still call it off. Please.” 

“Adam,” He sighed, stopping to look at his fiance sitting on their bed, looking so incredibly small and dejected. “You know I can’t call it off. This mission has been in the making for years. I can’t ruin it.” 

“But you’re fine ruining our relationship, ruining your life!” Adam bit back, a fresh tear making its way down his cheek. “Takashi, I don’t think you’re thinking this through.” 

“Are you calling me dumb? You don’t think I’ve thought about this? This is my dream, Adam, this is what I came to the Garrison for! You want me to throw away my dream, to throw away my life’s work?” 

“I don’t want you to throw away us!” Adam shouted back, his voice cracking on the last word. “I can’t watch you waste away in space, so far from me. Keith needs you here. I need you.” 

Shiro closed his eyes, finally letting himself cry. “I need to go.” 

*

Adam came to see him off, something that surprised both of them. He didn’t say anything, just pressed something into his hand as he walked past. 

Shiro didn’t have to open his palm to know that it was Adam’s engagement ring.

*

Shiro fiddled with the ring looped on a chain, something that he had carried with him the whole time he was trapped in space. He had begged and pleaded with the Galra guards to allow him to keep it. They let him keep it after he broke down sobbing at their feet, dry-heaving gasps leaving his mouth as he tried to remember how to breathe. 

They had just entered Earth’s atmosphere, clouds whipping past them as they descended into the desert by the Galaxy Garrison. It was night time, the stars illuminating the sky as they flew down to the dark Earth. Shiro could hear the patter of rain on the metal of the lion, he smiled knowing that Lance would be elated to know it was raining. Everyone knew how much he had missed the rain. 

Finally, yet somehow much too soon, they were landing. Shiro could feel his legs shaking as he peered out of Black’s window, trying to look for Adam in the group of people gathered dozens of feet away from the landing platform. It was too dark and too far away to be able to make anyone out. 

Following Keith’s lead, Shiro started to exit the black lion, wringing his hands together as he tried to calm down. 

“Relax,” Keith whispered to him, noticing how nervous he was. “Everything’s going to be fine.” 

Shiro nodded, taking deep breaths as he tried to steady his breathing. 

“Paladins,” Iverson greeted as they walked out of their lions. “Welcome back to Earth.” 

Shiro realized the sensation of rain hitting his skin for the first time. He smiled, turning his palms towards the sky as he tried to catch raindrops, desperate to memorize the feeling of raindrops against his skin. “Thank you, sir,” Shiro responded, trying to sound as professional as he could in that moment. 

“Shirogane,” Iverson said. “We are especially glad to have you back.” 

“Glad to be back, sir,” He agreed, trying not to cuss Iverson out on the spot. It took him being abducted for him to realize how corrupt the government was, the Galaxy Garrison obviously included. But he didn’t want to dwell on that, all he wanted was to search the crowd for his person. He was sure that his team felt the same, longing to hold their family once again. 

“For Christ’s sake,” A woman shouted, voicing Shiro’s exact thoughts. “Can we hug our kids already?” Iverson sighed, waving his hand in an air of permission as he turned back towards the Garrison. Suddenly, groups of people were rushing forward, grabbing paladins left and right. Shiro heard Lance sob, probably being swept up in a million hugs at the moment. 

But there was one figure who had not rushed forward, one who stayed right where they had been standing. Shiro’s heart swelled with hope. He rushed forward, quickly coming face to face with the person. 

“Adam?” 

“Takashi,” He breathed, arms hesitantly coming to grasp at his shirt collar. Shiro wrapped his arm around his waist, letting him know he was okay with touch. Adam wasted no time in pulling him close, looking over his face as if he was committing it to memory. “Oh my god.” 

“Everything looks worse than it actually was,” Shiro promised, lying to help ease Adam’s clear worry. 

“I don’t believe that for a second.” 

“You never did,” Shiro wetly chuckled, resting his forehead against Adam’s. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry for going.” 

“Don’t be,” Adam croaked, his eyes fluttering shut as his grip on Shiro’s shirt tightened. “You’re here. Alive.” 

“I died, Adam,” Shiro said, heart wincing at Adam’s painful inhale. “This isn’t my original body, it’s a clone’s. I’m still me, just a new body.” 

“I just care that it’s you,” Adam cried, eyes opening to look at Shiro’s face. “I’m so sorry, Takashi. I shouldn’t have given you the ring back, I regretted it the minute I did.” 

“I regretted Kerberos the second we took off,” Shiro admitted, releasing his grip on Adam to fumble for Adam’s ring, the one that he had kept for so long. “I just wanted you.” 

“Is that my -” Adam’s sentence was cut off as Shiro pulled the ring, breaking the chain around his neck as he yanked it free. 

“I promise to never leave you again,” Shiro said, reaching for Adam’s left hand. “I promise.” 

Adam sobbed as Shiro slid the ring on his finger, sliding it to its rightful place. 

“I’m never going to let you go, never again,” Adam affirmed, reaching his hands back up to Shiro’s collar and pulling him down, their lips crashing into each other’s. 

*

“Keith, you little shit, get up!” Shiro yelled, pounding on the door for the fifth time that morning. “We have to leave in fifteen minutes!” He sighed, turning back to the kitchen where Adam was standing, Shiro’s coffee mug held in his hand. 

“You know he’s not getting up anytime soon,” Adam said, a playful smile on his face as he handed Shiro his coffee. 

“Why’d we let him live with us again?” Shiro asked, only half joking, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Because you would miss him too much after living with him for so long,” Adam reminded him, smiling. “We have to make him hate us before he’ll move out, and by then, you’ll want him to.” 

Shiro kissed Adam quickly, handing his mug back to him. It was at the point where Adam didn’t even bother making his own coffee, just drinking his fiance’s. 

“Keith! I am not joking! Get your scrawny ass up!” Adam smiled into his coffee, knowing that he wouldn’t have his mornings go any other way.


End file.
